What to buy a mother-in-law you do not know well yet

What do you buy a mother-in-law you do not know well? Something small, warm and consumable: flowers, a good tea, a box of treats or a framed family photo. The aim is to say "I am glad to be part of the family," not to prove a point.

The rule

Give a gift she can enjoy without making a decision. Flowers last a week. Tea gets drunk. A photo sits on a shelf. None of them says anything about her taste, her house or her kitchen.

The usual traps are the gifts that comment on her: a cookbook with a subtle hint, a cleaning item, a clothing size, or a scented set she has to use to be polite.

What to ask first

Ask your partner two things. What does she drink? What does she do on a quiet afternoon? One answer is usually enough to point at tea, a book or a plant. Our guide on three questions to ask before you buy any gift works well for this.

Safe and bold

• Safe: flowers, a plant, a treat box, a hand cream with a light scent.
• Bold: a framed photo of the family, a class for two, a meal out. Needs a clue about her.

One exception

If she has said she wants nothing, or if her culture or faith has a custom for gifts, follow that. In some families, a gift of food or a small token is expected at certain times, such as a festival. Check with your partner first.

If you are still stuck

Bring a card with a kind line and one small item. Add a gift receipt if it is not food. See should you include a gift receipt for how to word that.

A quick example

Say you visit for Sunday lunch for the first time in months. A small bunch of flowers and a box of biscuits that go with tea cost little and say a lot. You hand them over, say thank you for having you, and leave it there. No speech and no pressure.

If you are visiting for a festival, a box of sweets that the whole table can share works the same way.